David’s Mood

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.”
– Mickey Rooney

“Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts.”
– Jim Morrison

“It is a gentleman’s first duty to remember in the morning who it was he took to bed with him.”
– Dorothy L. Sayers

“There are hot dog fillings which have more in common with meat than mere pinkness, whose lucky consumers don’t apply mustard because that would spoil the taste. It’s just that people can be trained to prefer the other sort, and seek it out. It’s as if Machiavelli had written a cookery book. Even so, there is no excuse for putting pineapple on pizza.”
Terry Pratchett

“Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.”
– Dan Bennett

“When I meet a man I ask myself, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’ ”
– Rita Rudner

“The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.”
– Russell Baker

“Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.”
– Hubert Humphrey

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
– Oscar Levant