Thoughts of an old curmudgeon
“There are hot dog fillings which have more in common with meat than mere pinkness, whose lucky consumers don’t apply mustard because that would spoil the taste. It’s just that people can be trained to prefer the other sort, and seek it out. It’s as if Machiavelli had written a cookery book. Even so, there is no excuse for putting pineapple on pizza.”
Terry Pratchett
“Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.”
– Dan Bennett
“When I meet a man I ask myself, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’ ”
– Rita Rudner
“The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.”
– Russell Baker
“Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.”
– Hubert Humphrey
“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
– Oscar Levant
“The main result of feminism has been the Dutch Treat.”
– Nora Ephron
“Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.”
– Edward Abbey
“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.”
– Robert Orben
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West
